Let’s face it; success is hard – and uncertain. It might mean putting in long hours. It might mean learning new skills or doing things that scare you. It might mean some uncertainty and discomfort. Failure is much simpler. If you want to be a complete failure at everything you do, read on: I’m sharing the easy steps with you. And if you’re still set on being a big success, read on anyway, and call me.
6. Trample On Other People
One great way to fail in many areas – from relationships to friendships to work – is to treat other people like scum. If they’re in the way of your goal, step right on top of them. If they ask you for anything, refuse point-blank. If they make a mistake, scream at them. If they disagree with you, sulk for a week. To really fail in life, you need to alienate everyone who might help, support, or care about you.
7. Never Say No
If you’re a bit too touchy-feely to crush heads underfoot on your descent into failure, then try this method instead: always say “yes” to whatever you’re asked to do. Your kid wants a present you can’t afford? Put it on your credit card. Your boss asks you to stay late and work Saturday? Be a martyr. Your community association needs a new secretary and they think you might like the job? Sure, you’ll do it. In fact, the only things you’ll say “no” to are your own hopes and dreams.
8. Be Disorganized
To increase your chances of failure in any venture, make sure you’re as disorganized about it as possible. Forget to invoice people who owe you money. Lose important documents. Turn up late, or in the wrong place, or ideally both. Don’t bother keeping a diary or calendar. Make sure you never have any healthy food in the house, so you can resort to expensive and greasy take-outs yet again.