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Leadership: Should You Be Selfish or Selfless?

August 15, 2018 By Dave Ferguson 1 Comment

Leadership: Should You Be Selfish or Selfless?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

 

There’s a common conception out there – merited in some cases and falsely assumed in others – that those who lead only care about themselves.

In Boss or Leader, this type of selfishness would be a “Boss” indicator. And though it is not true of a good leader, it is pervasive enough to have stereotyped leadership as being all about the leader, with little regard to the success of his or her team.

I’d like to eradicate that problem from its roots.

Are you a selfish or a selfless leader?

Definitions of these two words indicate the difference between the two comes down to whom you care about most.

To be clear, we each have both these traits. No one is truly altruistic. Selflessness is about having less self, but not totally losing yourself in the process. It is about balance.

As leaders, we must practice selflessness and beware of decisions and actions based on selfish motives.

How can you test your motives in order to keep “self” in balance?

  • “Selfish” indicates you are most concerned about yourself – your image, performance, and desires.

When faced with a decision, is your first thought, “What’s in it for me?” This is such a common trait that it has its own acronym these days: WIIFM. Do your people see you as a WIIFM leader?

When your principles are tested, do you think, “How will this make me look?” or “What will I lose if I stand firm on values?”

When it comes to setting goals for your organization, is your decision swayed by your own personal goals and desires instead of what is best for the company and its employees?

  • “Selflessness” stems from being more concerned about others than you are about yourself.

When faced with a decision, is your first thought, “How will this help the company and people involved – employees, stockholders, and customers?” Is this a win-win-win situation for everyone involved, or just you as the leader?

When your principles are tested, do you stand by them, no matter the cost?

When setting goals, are you willing to do what is best for your company and your people, even if it is not best for your own personal bank account?

Years ago, there was a story about a business owner whose employees had done exemplary work. As a result, his company was awarded a major contract. This golden goose was the one contract that could have sealed his wealth for the rest of his life. He could have taken the proceeds and retired. Instead, he split the proceeds with every single employee in the company. He was a great example of a selfless leader.

Now you might think he lost a great deal by being selfless in this instance; but his actions toward his people gained him even more loyalty and respect. And his company went on to garner even more high-end contracts because of the reputation of the owner and his people.

Who is a stronger leader – a selfish person or a selfless person?

Many think a selfless leader is weak – that they simply give in to the will of their people.

This could not be farther from the truth. It takes strength to make difficult, unbiased decisions. It takes character to overcome the urge to make those decisions with less regard for self and more regard for the organization and its people.

It takes strength to stand on principles as well, and to pay the costs that come with doing so. In actuality, being a selfless leader takes more strength than being a selfish leader because it requires that we go against our natural human nature, which draws us to protect our own interests, even at the detriment of others.

Being a selfish leader is easy.

You only have one person to please and one person to look out for…YOU. But if you have ever had to get into shape, you know that “easy” does nothing for you. In fact, “easy” is how you got out of shape in the first place!

Have you ever had someone say, with regard to a meeting, “I will be there at 1:30-ish?”

What does that mean?

It means you will likely be waiting past 1:30 p.m. It means they are not sure or can’t commit to a specific time. It means their plans are somewhat undefined.

The word “self-ish,” has similar connotation. It means you are not fully committed to someone or something. It means you are undefined and uncertain.

This is that root of which I spoke.

Selfish leadership very often stems from uncertainty and lack of commitment. While it may appear to be the stronger position, it is, ironically, the weaker one.

The real reason leaders become the subject of gossip around the proverbial water cooler is rooted in selfish leadership – and selfish leadership is centered on self, instead of others; position instead of personal connection; and weakness instead of strength.

Effective leaders genuinely care about and are supportive of employee success. They engage and connect with their teams.

They are principled.

They are selfless.

Will you make the choice to be a selfless leader?


Dave FergusonDave Ferguson is “The Leaders’ Coach”, an internationally recognized executive leadership coach, speaker, facilitator, and author. Are you interested in talking to Dave about coaching or having Dave speak to inspire and motivate your team? “ASK COACH DAVE” at 704-907-0171 or at Dave@AskCoachDave.com.

3 Steps to Planning an Effective Conversation

March 21, 2018 By Dave Ferguson Leave a Comment

Have you ever listened to someone and felt like they were speaking a foreign language? Or have you had the feeling that one of your co-workers or employees seems aloof and doesn’t care about the details? How about the person who seems to be all over the place instead of focusing on what is important?

Chances are, you have been in one of these situations. Most of us have experienced them all.

Each of us has a certain way of communicating. We find it easy to communicate with people whose style is similar to ours.

On the other hand, we may find it very difficult to effectively communicate with someone who has a very different communication style than we have.

How do we bridge the gaps that each of our different styles of communication create?

Depending on the differences in the communication styles of the parties to your conversation, it can be a very big deal. When we do not understand each other, we waste time repeating information. People may not feel comfortable reconfirming the point of a conversation, and that can lead to misunderstandings.

If you work with a coach, he or she can help you understand your own communication style.

When you understand your communication style and learn how others will behave in conversation based on theirs, you can proactively plan your conversations.

The art of being an excellent communicator is to be proactive and plan the conversation you are going to have.

Here are three steps that will help you plan the conversation.

  1. Think of the person you need to have an important conversation with. Is he or she similar or different from you when it comes to how they communicate?
  2. Is the person:
  • Dominant – one who prefers to do most of the talking and a big picture person?
  • A very social person who seems to be all over the place?
  • An introvert or extrovert?
  • Particularly deferential or focused on hierarchy?
  • Supportive but hard to get information out of?
  • Someone who needs a great amount of detail?
  1. Plan your conversation corresponding to the style that matches the person with whom you will be communicating.

In the examples above, that would look like this.

  • Dominant – one who prefers to do most of the talking and a big picture person
    Keep the conversation short and sweet. Stick to the facts.
  • A very social person who seems to be all over the place
    Allow time to socialize and understand the various impacted relationships.
  • An introvert or extrovert
    For introverts, ask for input – and listen intently. Know that extroverts will volunteer opinions and thoughts on their own. Listen intently to those as well.
  • Particularly deferential or focused on hierarchy
    Help them know that respect goes both ways, and that you are there to work together. Focus on the issue, not the position…and on solving the problem, not on asserting power.
  • Supportive but hard to get information out of
    Provide an outline of the planned conversation in advance if you want their input during the conversation. Give them time to think and prepare. Be careful not to put them on the spot by asking for immediate input in front of others.
  • Someone who needs a great amount of detail
    Be prepared for and willing to answer questions regarding the details. This is someone who needs to know those details before signing on to the big picture idea.

Knowing your behavioral style and something about the styles of the people you plan to speak with can be of great benefit to you both personally and professionally.


Dave FergusonDave Ferguson is “The Leaders’ Coach”, an internationally recognized executive leadership coach, speaker, facilitator, and author. Are you interested in talking to Dave about coaching or having Dave speak to inspire and motivate your team? “ASK COACH DAVE” at 704-907-0171 or at Dave@AskCoachDave.com.

 

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The Strong Leader’s Character Creed

August 16, 2017 By Dave Ferguson Leave a Comment

Five Ways To Never Compromise Your Character

dave-ferguson-forbes-article Featured article by Dave Ferguson in Forbes Coaches Council. Reprinted by permission.

Character in leadership is of utmost importance. It has the power to build your business, relationships and reputation. It sets the tone for your team and your business, and is the bedrock of trust.

Just as character can lift you up, a lack thereof can swiftly take you down. Sadly, it only takes one mistake in character to ruin a business, a relationship or a reputation.

Becoming a leader of strong character comes down to living true to your core beliefs and values. These values help you determine what’s right and wrong, and are key to making wise decisions. Since our success is a composition of good decisions, having the character to lead based on core beliefs and values cannot be overemphasized.

The Strong Leader’s Character Creed

Living by these 10 character traits will provide a solid foundation for you as a leader:

1. Be honest.

2. Demonstrate integrity.

3. Keep promises.

4. Be loyal.

5. Be conscientious.

6. Pursue excellence.

7. Be kind and caring.

8. Esteem all people.

9. Be fair.

10. Be a good citizen.

Every day, we face choices that test our character. Some decisions are subject to immediate review by those with whom we live and work. In most cases, we will take the easy way out by making a choice that is acceptable to the majority. Then we go on with our life. These account for about 10% of the decisions we make.

What about the other 90% — the ones we make behind closed doors? These decisions speak volumes about our character as a leader.

True character is not something for which you can take a class. It is who you are when people are looking, but more especially when they are not. Being congruent means you are the same person regardless of the circumstances or who is watching. I have met many bosses who have no understanding of this concept.

I used to think some people were strong in character and some were not, and that was just the way things were. But after dealing with issues of character in my work with leaders for several years, I have a new understanding. Character can be influenced by our surroundings, our experiences and those with whom we associate. And while good character cannot be taught, it is something you can practice and improve upon over time.

Becoming A Person Of Strong Character

These are some steps to follow:

1. Surround Yourself With People Of Strong Character

Bad company corrupts good character. Think about the five people in your life with whom you spend the most time. Are they people of strong character? Do they demonstrate the type of leadership you wish to emulate? If not, expand your circle to include people of this caliber. And if you can’t find those types of people, you can always read about them. There is power in the books you read.

2. Seek Truth And Favor Reason Over Emotional Impulses

It is easy to be biased or prejudiced by emotions. That is part of human nature. But don’t allow yourself to get overwhelmed by fear or sadness. Learn to master your feelings, and avoid letting anything other than common sense and sound logic dictate the decisions you make.

3. Be Content But Not Complacent

It is important to appreciate your own values and be happy with what you do have. It is good to focus on and be grateful for the positives in your life. However, that does not mean you can become stagnant. Laziness never achieves anything. Stay focused on the next high point and do the work to get there.

4. Exercise Your Empathy

Sometimes you have to engage in tough conversations. It is easy to try and sidestep them or put them off, but don’t. Instead, face these conversations with empathy and action. Don’t sympathize. That is an emotional but passive reaction. Instead, you need to extend yourself, engage as needed, and do something to resolve the issue.

5. Excel Wherever You Are

Confusion is a character killer. Set the standard. You can’t expect others to perform at a higher level than you are willing to provide. This does not mean you have to be an expert in everything. It just means you do your best, no matter the task.

These are the practices that will build strong character and give you the experience you need to be a great leader. Are you practicing the habits that will strengthen your character as a leader?


Dave Ferguson is “The Leaders’ Coach”, an internationally recognized executive leadership coach, speaker, facilitator, and author. Are you interested in talking to Dave about coaching or having Dave speak to inspire and motivate your team? “ASK COACH DAVE” at 704-907-0171 or at Dave@AskCoachDave.com.

If You Don’t Like What’s Being Said – Change the Conversation

July 19, 2017 By Dave Ferguson Leave a Comment

If You Don’t Like What’s Being Said - Change the Conversation

We live in a culture that prides itself on viewing the action of criticizing the failures of its leaders not only as a right, but as a responsibility.

And while this is for the most part very valuable advice, it is easy to get caught up in critiquing others and overlook that failures are a marker of learning. Failure provides guidance for improvement. But this doesn’t mean that it’s easy.

CRITICISM COMES WITH THE JOB

Criticism is part of success. There are no high-level executives — or TV personalities, professional athletes or artists — that have been successful without a peanut gallery full of critics.

Criticism is, in fact, the dominant conversation in our culture.

But it doesn’t have to be. Critics only have the power you supply them with — if you feel ashamed of a failure, make excuses or find someone else to blame, critics will be quick to repeat that narrative — and will frequently enhance that story with their own observations and embellishment.

Consider, however, approaching your recent failure as something to celebrate: This failure means you’ve attempted something new; you’ve stepped “out of the box” and approached a problem in a different way. It is a sign of innovation. It is a symbol of grit and determination.

Failure and personal ego are inextricably intertwined, and so it is impractical to tell anyone not to take criticism personally. It is OK to take criticism personally. But it is not OK to make it personal.

What do I mean by this?

Criticism, by its very nature, puts us on the defensive, and so it is easy to want to give into impulses of self-defense and fire back. These are emotional responses. Actions are productive responses.

By assuming the criticism was given in order to help you improve, even if, and especially if, the intent was more malicious, you effectively take power from your criticizers and use it to fuel your professional development. Congratulations, you have taken the first step in changing the conversation.

NONE OF US ARE ABOVE REPROACH

One of the most beautiful (and most infuriating) aspects of the human condition is that we are fallible; everyone makes mistakes. However, criticism is a great tool for learning — if you allow it to be. Always place yourself in a good position to correct your behavior and improve your performance. Great leaders practice and present to others qualities of self-reflection, self-awareness and self-care.

While the first stage of changing the conversation of criticism is all about rendering disapproval into personal capital gain, it is equally important not to disregard criticism completely. Our knee-jerk reaction to criticism is to be defensive.

I didn’t do that. It’s not my fault. They just don’t know what they’re talking about.

However, the difference between a good leader and a great leader is patience and approach: Listen to what is being said. Even if the delivery is hurtful, is there any truth to the message?

Take a moment to reflect on all aspects of a situation, and never let pride or strong will prevent you from learning. By approaching failure as a learning opportunity, you inherently teach your followers to do the same.

A PRODUCTIVE NARRATIVE

Success is a story of perseverance. In fact, it is the “success-through-failure” stories that get told over and over again:

• Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and even after earning a spot in the NBA, he went on to miss more than 9,000 shots — 26 of which would have been the game-winning shot — and lost nearly 300 games in his professional career. But he sits today as the highest-paid athlete of all-time with a $1.7 billion brand through team contracts and endorsements and a laundry list of distinguished professional accolades.

• It took J.K. Rowling years to write Harry Potter — years filled with poverty, depression and unemployment. The manuscript was rejected by no less than a dozen publishers. Her infamous book series has now landed in children’s literature stardom with millions of copies sold, having been translated into 73 languages and has now accrued more than $20 billion throughout the franchise — effectively making her the first woman to become a billionaire author.

• Oprah Winfrey was deemed “unfit for television” early in her career. She disappointed as a street reporter, and while she had a proclivity for human interest stories, she had a problem staying emotionally unattached. Today, she is a social icon as one of the world’s leading and most famous interviewers and has changed the television industry. She’s captured nearly 30 million Twitter followers, 18 Emmy Awards, nurtured lasting relationships with some of the world’s most influential leaders, and has built a net worth of more than $3 billion.

While success takes many forms, it shares a common characteristic: to push through when it gets difficult and to stay focused despite any opposition.

Even if the journey is long and the obstacles are unknown, you do have complete control over the narrative of your success — and your actions provide the framing.

Thomas Edison could have focused on any one of his critics condemning his failed attempts at inventing a light bulb. Instead, he chose to look at his situation from a productive perspective, famously saying, “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

For great leaders, failure is never a loss.


Dave Ferguson is “The Leaders’ Coach”, an internationally recognized executive leadership coach, speaker, facilitator, and author. Are you interested in having Dave speak to inspire and motivate your team? “ASK COACH DAVE” at 704-907-0171 or at Dave@AskCoachDave.com.

Check Your Leadership Ego at the Door

June 14, 2017 By Dave Ferguson Leave a Comment

Check Your Leadership Ego at the Door

Leading a business can be a real thrill. It comes packaged with a good dose of power and prestige by virtue of position.

It also can be a real challenge for those same reasons.

The reality is, being a successful leader requires that you check your ego at the door. Now don’t get me wrong, having faith and pride in what you do is great. Self-confidence is essential.

But when leaders get full of themselves and start inflating their self-worth, things start to crumble. As an executive coach, I am sometimes called in to help fix an employee or team issue that is, in reality, is a leadership ego issue.

It is my responsibility to challenge them on it for their sake and the sake of the organization.

The bottom line is, leadership is not about being served. It is about serving.

Positional leaders are LINOs (Leaders in Name Only). LINOs are never truly respected, and their effectiveness is limited.

Guard against these LINOs in your own leadership or on your leadership team.

The CEO on Steroids

They can’t and won’t build an effective team because they depend too much on themselves. They don’t trust enough to delegate and, quite frankly, don’t believe they need others. These are the micromanagers who limit team performance.

Advice for this leader: Look in the mirror, lighten up, and let go a little. Remember the old saying, “There is no ‘I’ in Team.” Say it 1000 times every day, while you’re running on the treadmill.

The Know-it-All

These leaders have little to no commitment to personal growth. They would never think of hiring a business coach, because they truly believe they have already arrived. Their bloated egos block them from taking any advice, and learning is a sign of weakness to them.

Advice for this leader: Acknowledge and learn from your failures. Seek an objective accountability partner. Establish a cabinet of expert advisors – and listen to them. Commit to personal and professional growth on a regular basis.

The “I never make hiring mistakes” Leader

These are the leaders who never admit to making bad hiring decisions, but take all the credit for the one great hire. Meanwhile, turnover is costing the company thousands of dollars a year. Many of these so-called leaders actually believe they can take the bottom 20% of their employee base and turn them around. When that doesn’t work, they blame someone else for it.

Advice for this leader: When you figure out the formula for elevating your bottom 20% above mediocre, let the rest of us know. Until then, cut bait quicker and better, or take yourself out of the hiring process. Use an objective and independent source.

 The White Collar Crime Boss

These leaders are so cocky and egotistical that they invent shortcuts, take special privileges, and begin to think they are above the law. As their character plummets, greed and ego escalate to a point of unethical and sometimes criminal behavior. The collateral damage is widespread, both inside the organization and to stockholders and investors.

Advice for this leader: White collar crime is against the law and can bring you down to the level of the elevator beating bandit. Do right and be ethical!

Power and prestige can be either leadership tools – or weapons. We as leaders can use them to serve, inspire others, and to accomplish great goals, or we can use them selfishly, in which case they leave a trail of destruction.

Guard against the LINOs!


Dave Ferguson is “The Leaders’ Coach”, an internationally recognized executive leadership coach, speaker, facilitator, and author. For help in building a truly successful leadership team, “ASK COACH DAVE” at 704-907-0171 or at Dave@AskCoachDave.com.

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